Dreams

My mother passed away on April 21, 1982, already twenty-four years ago. To me it still feels as if it were only yesterday. It doesn't really seem like such a long time. But twenty-four years is a lifetime.

In all these years I have had many deams with my mother. But never once have I dreamed she was dead. Every time I dream with her she is alive and well.

One of the oddest things about my dreams is that my mother and I are always travelling to different places together or visiting people in other countries. In my dreams I have travelled with her to Spain, Mexico, France, Italy and New York. What is odd about this is that while she was alive my mother never visited any of these countries, except for New York. We lived in New York for some sixteen years. But I have visited these places. I am familiar with them and I lived in Spain for two years.

During these dreams we are always going somewhere on the subway, or we are getting ready to board a plane, or we are already on the plane. Sometimes we're simply walking down a street side by side. I consider the part about the subway strange because as a child in New York I had a great dislike for trains. I was terrified of them. The most interesting thing about my dreams is that they are always in full color. I have read that most people dream in black and white and that dreaming in color is not the usual thing.

Now, how do I know my dreams are in color? I remember them. When I wake up the first thing I do is start recalling what I was dreaming about. I begin seeing in my mind visual images of my dream and recall the color of the clothes being worn and the color of the surroundings, or the food we were eating. Like two days ago. We were in Spain participating in a big celebration where there were a lot of people. When we sat at the table for dinner, I noticed that our steaks were green. But other plates had normal colored steaks. Now, why should ours be green I wondered? Yuk!!! I don't even eat normal looking steak, imagine eating green steaks. At that moment, I woke up.

Sometimes I get up in a hurry and I forget to ask myself what I was dreaming about at my waking moment. If I get out of bed without wondering about it I no longer remember. Sooner or later it will come back to me. During the day I get these sudden memory flashes and my dream starts coming back to me. I remember like in episodes: something now and later I remember more. I don't remember it all at the same time. The episodes come to me unexpectedly when I'm not even thinking about my dream.

I have friends that say they never dream, but I don't think that's true. I just think they don't try to exercise their memory. I've exercised my mind so much with regard to dreams that recalling comes easy to me. There was a time in my life when I kept a diary about my dreams. I no longer do. And when I wanted to dream with my mother, I went to bed thinking about her. My last waking thought was for my mother. It worked sometimes, but not always.

Another detail about my dreams is that I have what I call "re-run dreams." I tend to repeat certain dreams. For example, last night I had a dream that I know I had a week or so ago. The same dream except that this time there was a person who wasn't there the previous time. But all the other circumstances were the same.

The saddest part of dreaming with Mom is waking! I always wake up at the most interesting moment of my dream. Oh, how I wish I could continue for at least some ten minutes more! That's life. The show must go on. My life must continue.